I have made a theory about dating. What do you do when you come to a point in your life when you would like a serious and healthy relationship? With the male species I have had the same Karma as if I was a dictator in a past life. In fact Hitler himself could hold down a better relationship than me. Although I also believe that dating in this generation is extremely difficult and generally unromantic.
It seems that relationships form when individuals are intoxicated with some Dutch courage “in da club” or some other social establishment. The only way you can let someone know that you find him or her attractive is at least kissing. Apparently.
Feminism has come a long way. It’s fantastic, women have more opportunities and there is a powerful community that I am a part of which believes that there are still issues that need to be addressed.
However, back in the day there was a sexist system within dating that was very simple but effective. Men would approach women, men would pay for the date and it was usually clear when you were in a relationship. People are now so afraid of labels that sometimes I think asking someone to transition from “ting” to “thing” would trigger a cardiac arrest. Probably caused by all the alcohol they’ve consumed through attempts of courtship.
This “Twilight Zone” is an awkwardness between sexism and feminism. There is still the stereotype of what being a gentleman supposedly is but it’s in conflict with equal rights. I believe that on a date if the man thinks that he should pay for the first drink then that’s fine, but we’ll have another round and I’ll pay for it. In fact because I cant stand the awkwardness of waiting around at the bar I usually buy the first round.
If you go out for a meal I would really push to split the bill or at least pay for some of it, the drinks for example, or reciprocate on the next date. It’s expensive and not fair to expect men to pay for everything, just on a basic economic level.
The shift in equality has affected dating in that men don’t believe that it is their responsibility to approach women anymore, which I understand. But I don’t believe that women have accepted it as theirs. There is a distribution of responsibility in which no one approaches anyone, which means no spontaneous dates or conversations with strangers where you could realise that you actually have a lot in common with someone.
It seems an impossible task to actually get on a first date in the real world through sober means, without having to resort to things like Tinder and there are better ‘first meeting’ stories to tell your family at the engagement party, “it said ‘just got out of jail, looking for a shag’ in his profile and I knew.”
I know I’m young and the age of getting married and having children has gotten older but I can’t help but be jealous when looking at my parent’s relationship, it seems a simpler time. I’m not saying that spontaneous dates, conversations and meetings don’t happen but it is certainly more rare.
My experiences from being approached by sober strangers have not been good ones, including being chased and groped. My most recent stranger was on a coach… and lets just say he wasn’t my type. He sat next to me even though there were PLENTY OF OTHER SEATS. I thought I had nothing to worry about I’ve got headphones in, the universal sign of “fuck off.” Wrong. He started talking to me and his English wasn’t that great but from what I understood he wanted to open his own business, a takeaway restaurant. He told me that he was getting married next year, I felt very relieved.
Me: “Oh you’re engaged?”
Him: “No, I’m looking for a wife.”
Right. Then I encouraged him to try online dating, he started talking to me, asking about something like “can two people who meet be friends?” but it was hard to figure out what he was talking about. In the end he asked me if I was visiting a boyfriend and I said yes.
I’ve come to a point where I have honestly started to think well maybe I should just marry this random man. He seems to think we should be together, maybe I’ve been too picky and the man that chased after me for my number last year was the love of my life. I’m fighting the pessimist in me and haven’t dropped out of university to run a takeaway service yet, but I’m not ruling it out because I love samosas.
If I’m in a social setting like a house party, I have definitely approached boys first that I have been attracted to but that hasn’t happened to me in a long time and I don’t have the confidence to approach strangers on the street or in a bar… but then again maybe I will try and challenge this twilight zone and do it.
Or I’ll just start collecting dogs and die alone… I haven’t decided yet!