When the first year of university begins it is a well known fact that you have to create a group chat for you and your new flatmates to communicate and bond over. We have had some interesting choices over the year which have been embarrassing to click on when you’re trying to send a sneaky message in the lecture theatre. But now of course I’m displaying them publicly, along with some adorable random photos of my girls:
- Fire starter: KB
- Hiccup hater: Martha
- Ultimate wasteman: Lucy
- Plato: Bea
and your host:
- Leather nun, now: leather tank
Goodbye Lucy’s chips #703
Our first ever chat name. We went out together on our first night out, bonding with drinks dancing and drunk food. For some reason we decided to take the stairs on the way back and Lucy dropped her chips all over them. She was then convinced that every first year meeting we went to was CCTV footage of her dropping chips and she was going to be arrested.
Love all round
Me, Lucy and Martha went to ‘Night of the Dead’ at Motion in Bristol, a day to night festival. All I had eaten was a pot noodle out of a pan but decided it was a good idea to consume a significant amount of alcohol. I tried to save myself later on with a sausage in a roll but it was too late and we had to go home. Martha and Lucy were also very drunk but they didn’t have to take a nap in the leaves. I felt very guilty so bought everyone crisps and ripples to make up for it on the way home. Tensions were high but stomaches were full.
This one’s pretty self explanatory. We bought a cauldron for the flat as we realised we loved cackling and were often using a huge pan to mix our ‘punch’ for pre-drinks. The cauldron is much more appropriate and also makes an excellent centre piece for when people come round. We realised we needed to turn the coven club down when we considered buying a book of spells and a crystal ball.
It’s not what you think. We somehow ended up on a video about animals mating, I think we are just curious young minds casually wondering how the hell snails reproduce. We ended up finding the flat worms instead, “they both use their penises to try and stab one another.” Apparently ‘penis fencing’ is the term experts use to describe this mating ritual. We all thought this was hilarious, but it was embarrassing when people saw you had a notification.
We all just love educating ourselves what can I say? The discussion of babies often comes up and most of us are horrified at the process of giving birth as well as the aftermath. We heard the rumour that sometimes you can just wee yourself if you sneeze because your ‘pelvic flooring’ gets weaker after having a baby. Obviously the next step was to research how to strengthen this ‘flooring’ at the dinner table. Treat your pelvis like a palace girls.
Cloaca kisses x
Seagulls would not stop mating around us. It was very loud and disturbing, outside our windows, on top of roofs. It looked very violent and not all that consensual. Again more research was done into how the hell do seagulls mate? If you were wondering, the answer is ‘cloaca kisses’. I realise now it seems we have an obsession with animal sex…
I love myself
Well isn’t this just the truth. We’re all about self love in our flat and the chat name is just a reminder to love oneself all day, everyday. It wasn’t as deep as it sounds but we do have a family dynamic that makes us look after one another, I’m what KB calls an “African Mother.” I can’t help what comes naturally, I’m protective and I love to feed people.
Fuck off groupie
This one I reckon is the most embarrassing. We developed an unhealthy guilty pleasure. As a flat we watch Buffy together but one day we decided to watch the Kardashians. Unfortunately we got very invested in Kourtney and Scott’s relationship. He brought a girl back to the hotel and Kim was like NO WAY and then she was really harsh and kicked the girl out with: “fuck off groupie.” It’s funny because they’re terrible people. I watch it ironically I swear…
Now I’m home sweet home in London, but I’ll be back Bristol!