Glastonbury 2017

I went to Glastonbury! I would honestly say that working there was so much better than having a ticket. I have been once before in 2007, only ten years old and it was a legendary year for people swimming around in mud. This time I was there for a week and we had our own campsite with nice grass, toilets, showers and a muster tent. I was mustering the hell out of that tent, all day long drinking filtered water and having scrambled eggs and avocados on toast like the Bristol student I am.

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Here’s how my week went down:

Tuesday

On the way into the festival we of course saw some classic Glastonbury scenes, with a guy getting caught for trying to smuggle cocaine in an ibuprofen packet, down an empty Pringles tube. Shockingly, it didn’t work.

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Straight on the beers
That night our group decided to join all the workers down in the party area. Somehow a drug dealer and stoner managed to attach themselves to me and Lucy and we ended up at the stone circle. It looks like Stonehenge and a large group of hippies were chanting and dancing around it surrounded by Tipis. It was a very surreal experience and as the sun rose we decided that it was definitely time to go back to the tent.

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I don’t remember taking this

Wednesday

We had to get up early, as it was dangerously hot. It was actually painful standing in the sun and being as pale as me, even constantly applying sun cream I still got very burnt. People were dropping like flies of sunstroke and we got texts asking for extra help.

In the evening we climbed the hill to the fireworks by the Glastonbury sign, which has an amazing view of the festival. A lot of time was spent in a soul tent dancing, this boy kept on trying to make us do a dance move where it looks like you’re kicking a football. I kept explaining that I was wearing a skirt and therefore it was not going to happen.

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Actual photo of my skirt
Later, we bumped into Matt, a dad steward who bought us some chips and gravy, which were the best I’ve ever eaten. We took him to Block 9 into the techno club with a train coming out of the building. It was like motion at Bristol, with a topless Newcastle roadman trying to flirt with me. I was polite but I was really trying to listen to ma techno, ya know? He continued to ask Lucy my name and relationship status and when it was time to go he just kept repeating it, “Izzzzzyyyyyy, don’t leave, Izzzyyyyyyy, IZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYY.” Who knows what his name was.

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How did it get there?!

Thursday

First shift of work and we found it quite hard, 8pm-5am. We started off pumped, working at Block 9 with strangers loving and hugging you, but it was exhausting after a while. Our job was to give directions and to stop people from urinating near the water system. If the pH level gets too high, then the council will shut down the festival.

I was essentially the wee police, or as my dad hilariously calls it: “willy watch.”

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My new hat makes me look like a magician
My favourite man of the night was a guy passed out on a tree, insisting that he could sleep outside the heavy techno club called “the Cave.” Eventually he got sick of people waking him up to see if he was ok and stumbled away, revealing a green pair of fairy wings. I was very sad to see my little butterfly go.

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Watch out for that sausage

Friday

The first day of music was crazy.

We saw:

  •  Charli XCX
  • Blossoms
  • Circa waves
  • Glass Animals
  • Royal blood

Lorde is so beautiful, talented and young. Why am I not headlining Glastonbury at twenty?

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You can call me Queen B
Major Lazer never played out a song and talked over the music constantly: PUT YOUR HANDS UP. It was like going to an adult school disco with a pill.

Luckily the show at Arcadia made up for it, it was mind blowing. All me and Lucy said the whole time was “OH MY GOD”. It was stressful, freaky and brilliant.

Then our evening just turned out to be quite gay. We went to a women’s bar, run by all women and “queer friendly.”

Later we went to the meat packer club, a gay drag bar and we flashed our steward wrist bands to skip the hour queue. There was a show and drag queens dancing on the bar. Ideal.

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It looks like I like Skepta

Saturday

In the afternoon we went and saw the band Cabbage. The main lead singer is mental, he came right up to the barrier and totally touched my arm. I mean, he thought it was the railing, but it still happened.

The other lead singer always takes his top off and then waved to his mum, very cute and super rock and roll.

After we saw Liam Gallagher because Lucy is obsessed and I mean OBSESSED. During which we saw her old tinder date wander past and we both ducked.

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Us and Liam
In our second shift we had an amazing view of the stage so ended up seeing Stormzy and Alt-J while working.

Later we got placed back outside the Cave. People were not behaving themselves and the wee police were vicious. The girls were the worst that evening and I ended up being cruel, shining my huge torch on a girl who’s boyfriend was desperately trying to hide her. Cheeky girl, she crab scuttled a metre away and started again.

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Tell me about it

Sunday

The last day, so we had to make the most of it. Starting off with an Australian band called: “King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard.” They were a very rowdy crowd; multiple people snorting ketamine off their Tesco extra cards before throwing themselves into the mosh pit. The guitarist looked like Boris Johnson on holiday and it was very distracting to watch.

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Boris has talent
The TBC was The Killers, which I was really happy about, it meant that a decade later I was watching the same band, at the same festival. My dad was also there and ten years ago I had been watching them on his shoulders screaming the lyrics to ‘Mr Brightside’. This time he bought me a cider.

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Papa Agnew
By the time Ed Sheeran was performing we had had many, many ciders, so therefore Lucy ended up drunk crying during ‘A team’ but luckily her Dad was also there to comfort her at this difficult time.

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The sky was matching Ed’s hair
For the last night we took some family friends out with us to the Unfairground, walking into a huge mouth called the Acid tent and dancing on podiums until 5:30 in the morning. We then had to get up at seven for a four-hour shift, encouraging people to take their tents home. It wasn’t that bad considering I was probably still a little drunk, I was extra friendly and chatty, sitting on peoples pop up tents for them.

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Come and play
Getting home on one and a half’s hour sleep with all the queues was an absolute nightmare but with the weather, the music, the people and most of all the showers, I couldn’t have asked for a better Glastonbury and it is certainly my favourite festival of all time.

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